Whose Problem is it Anyway

I'm sat at Euston station on a train to Coventry that is both late and having to absorb passengers from an earlier cancelled train.  The root cause is a damaged power cable and I understand that this is outside of St Richards control.

What is really really annoying me is that I can overhear the on train  crew discussing the situation. So do you think they are most worried about their passengers being inconvenienced and possibly having a massively reduced at seat service - or do you think they are moaning about how the disruption affects them,  how it is all the fault of "management" and how they can get away with just serving a cold service to make life easier for themselves?

A Fairy Story

Once upon a time a teacher was telling the children in her class a fairy story. Oddly the story begins the same way as this one, with those same magic words

"Once upon a time there was a lonely Princess living in a castle. Once she had been a much loved Princess, but her fairy godmother hadn't been to see her for many years, her mother had died. Her father, the King, really didn't have much time to spend with her. Her brother, the Prince, didn't have much time for her either, and mostly when they met they squabbled over words.

It is true she did have some friends, who lived in the forest, the fawns and the dwarfs, and she would go and visit them, and they would tell her how beautiful she was, and that she really was very useful to the kingdom.

Then one day the King announced he'd found a new wife, and she was coming to live in the castle, in fact he'd already given half the castle and all the kingdom to the new queen, the poor Princess's new stepmother.

Can you guess how the story ends, children?"

She waited. Sure enough two hands stuck up in the air. One belonged to the sweetest girl in her class, and the other to the noisiest boy you could ever imagine. Because she was a good and caring teacher, and wanted everyone to have their say she really really wanted to let the boy go first, but the because she was also a really really nice person she decided to ask the girl first

"Please Miss, was the new step-mother really the fairy godmother, and did they all live happily together ever after and did all the fawns and all the dwarfs come and live in the castle and wait on them hand and foot, because she was beautiful, but she still remembered they were her friends so she would spend lots of time playing with them still, and were they happy ever after, and was everything in the kingdom wonderful for ever and ever and ever?"

The teacher smiled and was about to say "Yes, yes that is just how it was" but then she remembered the noisy boy still had his hand in the air, and being a very very good teacher she knew she had to ask him what he thought happened next.

"Miss, Miss did the step-mother turn out to be really really evil? Did she make the Princess do all the chores and make do with old clothes? And did she make the King get off his throne so that she could sit on it? And did she send men out to round up all the fawns and dwarfs, even the right gobby midget, and make them work really really hard and not give them any hamburgers to eat or any time off at all, and did she make them do the really really really hard work like spellin and sums and stuff?  I bet she didn't want to marry the King anyway, I bet she really wanted to marry the Prince"

The teacher really didn't know what to say, because in her heart she knew that whilst the little girl had told her how the story really should end, she knew the little boy had told her how most fairy stories really do end, when they don't take out all the nasty bits.

That night when she got home, to her ordinary little house that was nothing at all like a castle she asked her partner what she should have said.

"Well I think you should have told them it was all very strange for the first few days, and then they settled down and became a typical family, that sometimes they were very happy, and sometimes they were very sad. Sometimes the step-mother did bad things she should have been sorry about, but wasn't, and sometimes the Princess was spiteful, because she could be. Then there were days when the sun shone, and everybody laughed."

The teacher smiled "But what about the dwarfs and fawns?"

"Oh, the boy was right about them, they still get dragged into the kitchens and made to do all the hard work, but the girl was right too, because they weren't unhappy, because they loved the Princess and only wanted what was best for her."

So there you have it.

Now what  do you think REALLY happened?

Now, close your eyes and wish really really hard.

It is pure coincidence that the Capita ITIL deal was announced today.

ITSM Mojo: Restored!

I asked Darren Hampton to write about a first time visitor's experience of the Service Desk and IT Support Show. This is what he had to say:

I very nearly didn’t go. Sure, I read the leaflets and looked at the website but I dismissed it as just another show – grab a few leaflets and pens, avoid the gaze of suppliers and if accidental eye contact meant I had to chat, to play the trump card: “Sorry, I don’t have the budget this year”.

Then the unexpected happened: a Twitter conversation with James Finister and Barclay Rae about losing one’s ITSM mojo, which was the subject of their recent podcast, and I was prescribed an intensive two day course of ITSM mojo restoration. Off to London after all!

I’ve not attended SITS before so I didn’t know what to expect entirely. I was surprised that most delegates seemed to be experienced practitioners; it would have been good to see evidence of our future replacements taking an early interest and adding some youthful enthusiasm. I can’t thank James Finister and Andrea Kis enough for taking me under their wing and introducing me to so many people over the two days, and it’s highlighted that I’ve not got the best out of shows in the past. It turns out that many of the suppliers I’ve been avoiding are also incredibly passionate about doing ITSM properly, and they’re more than happy to talk ITSM for the sake of it (and a gentle mention of how their product will help, of course). If you’re not spending your downtime between seminars talking to people, you’re missing the biggest benefit of the show.

The seminars are really the reason a lot of people attend and I was no exception to the rule. My first step was to plan my days around the seminars I wanted to see and as always there’s one slot where you need to be in three places at once. There was a booking system for the seminars... but the sessions sold out within minutes of the show opening each day. It was a real shame that so many delegates had to hang around outside a couple of the theaters listening for snippets. Great talk, but I wish I could have seen the slides. Also, a top tip: Remember to schedule some time for lunch.

Highlights for me had to be Barclay Rae’s ITSM Goodness talk, of the seven steps to achieve real success from ITSM efforts. Encouragingly, in my organisation we’re already investing in the right areas but Barclay’s words of advice not only validated our roadmap but helped me realise why we’re finding it a difficult journey.

Andrea Kis’ talk on business relationships being vital at all levels of the support structure was a wonderful thing to behold. My take-home message was that every contact with a user is a chance to build a relationship and it starts first and foremost, and most frequently, at the Service Desk. Make your users feel individually valued with the personal treatment and enjoy the increase in customer satisfaction. (She also referenced this comic strip  which, in its entirety, isn’t completely safe to view at work. It’s all true though.)

As an ITSM practitioner, was it worth it? Will I go again next year? Mojo restored? Definitely. I’ll be looking forward to catching up with friends and acquaintances I’ve made this year, and be hoping to make many more. Hopefully I’ll be able to give something back as well, by introducing someone new to a circle of enthusiastic, passionate and, above all, helpful people.

That Was THE Show That Was

I would love to talk about this year's Service Desk and IT Support Show that has just finished at London's Earls Court.

Actually I would love to be able to talk about anything, because after two days of intense, insightful non-stop discussion about all things ITSM I've completely lost my voice.

The other downside of such a packed two days is trying to package all my thoughts into a blog, but here goes anyway:

A major change this year was that Gartner have become the headline sponsors.This was one of several factors that seems to have led to a shift in the audience away from operational support staff and towards decision makers. There were a lot more suits wandering around than in previous years. The vendors at the exhibition certainly seemed to feel this was a positive change, and as Martin's blog highlights the vendors came away feeling very optimistic, The exhibition provides real ROI for the exhibitors compared to other shows where the exhibition is more of a side show to a conference.

Having said that the quality of the conference programme is constantly improving, so much so that this year even Kaimar was relatively happy with it, although that might be because he was one of the presenters. I know I wasn't alone in having to make hard decisions about which sessions to go to and it was particularly great to see so many international speakers, like Kaimar, Kathryn Howard and Daniel Billing.

Daniel Billing

We were joined for the pre-show preview podcast by Jeff Brooks from Gartner and his two key note sessions were excellent, though I wonder if some of the audience went away disappointed because he didn't spoon feed them simple answers - for the simple reason they don't exist. You can hear more of Jeff, and what he talked about, on episodes 55 and 56 of the podcasts that we recorded live from the show and which will be available soon.

Jeff Brooks

Jeff also chaired an entertaining and provocative panel session on "Who is murdering ITIL?" There was a long list of suspects to be considered, and I could probably have added a few more, but I think there was a general feeling that the current ITIL training has a lot to answer for. It raised a few issues that I think might deserve a blog post of their own.

Who Murdered ITIL? The Usual Suspects

A highlight for me was Andrea Kis's presentation on getting the Service Desk involved in Business Relationship Management and her message that every interaction with the business is important and that what happens in those micro-interactions is far more important than creating an ITIL based BRM "process". Andi also held her own in a debate with Jeff on the podcast that had the rest of us rolling on the floor.

Andi Kis ready to wow the crowds

For the third year running I found myself not having the time to do the exhibition justice and I didn't get to speak to many of the vendors I had on my "must see" list. In part that is because those that I did see I spent a long time with, having in depth conversations. As usual Ian Aitchison from LANdesk and Pat Bolger from Hornbill both stood out for their insights into the wider issues of ITSM.  As already mentioned the vendors went away feeling optimistic about the market, and many have picked up, as we have at TCS, that some customers are becoming much more pragmatic and outcome driven  in their approach and less fixated on ITIL and artificial maturity levels. Incidentally here is a tip for a few vendors: I head up the service management consultancy team in Europe for one of the major IT service providers - you might want to try actively seeking me out and engaging with me at these events.

Not for the first time at UK events it was disappointing that the twitter stream was dominated by the same old faces, yes, mine included, and vendors. I'm sure a lot of value from some of the presentations deserved to be echoed to a wider audience. Certainly if you have time I would recommend looking at some of the #SITS13 tweets.

Several people commented on what a difference social media has made to their experience of this event over the years and that was certainly true this year.  Tweets and facebook posts from last year's show along wtih the podcasts had certainly helped raise the profile of the event overseas and I lost count of the number of nationalities present at the #Back2ITSM dinner on the Tuesday night. Mind you most people there had lost the ability to count anything. by the end of the night. Both new and old visitors commented that being able to meet up with connections made via #SocMed and then being able to directly access their wider networks added real value to the experience and I'm sure a lot of people made many new connections. Incidentally Sophie Danby from Ovum deserves a special mention for organising the dinner and helping the networking process. Perhaps next year the dinner will become a more official event.


So that's it for another year, though I've found a willing volunteer to write another "First time visitor's perspective" piece which should be appearing soon. As always a massive thanks to everyone who made the event so worthwhile and enjoyable, and a special thank you to Gartner and Laura Venables for their support of the podcast posse.

Spring Cleaning

Sub zero temperatures, sleet and the return of British Summer Time. Yes, it is an English spring and time to think about a clear out, and to ask yourself:

 Do we really need all those consultants cluttering up the corridors?

Now obviously I think consultants are a good thing, after all consultancy is what I do for a living, at least in theory. And that, actually, is my point. A lot of consultants are employed doing work that isn't actually consultancy.

In my own case I have to point out the reason I don't spend my whole time doing consultancy is because relatively little of my time is billable to TCS clients, instead my focus is on building long-term relationships between TCS and our clients.

On the other hand there are those consultants who are primarily driven by what we in the trade call afterwork. Afterwork is where big consultancy firms make their figures. Afterwork is where they place under skilled junior staff to fill up every empty desk in your workspace. Now there are lots of consultants, especially those in large consultancy firms, quite happy to take your money and run. Equally there ae many who will question what they are getting out of the engagement.

The question you need to ask yourself is very simple:

What value am I getting from employing a consultant?

To answer that question you need to consider what the alternatives are. Could you take on an interim manager? Should you skill up your own team? Could you shift to a lower level of consultancy firm? Could you exploit the consultancy capability of your technology vendors? Alternatively are you under-exploiting the consultants you currently have on site, and gradually reducing their ability to influence where you are going?

My rule of thumb is that if a consultant has been on site every week for more than three months then you need to start asking some hard questions of yourself. 

Them and us - again

Just over a year ago I wrote a blog about about how unhelpful and judgmental some of the perceived divisons in the ITSM world are.

Sadly as 2013 begins it seems that  it is once again open season on consultants and our contribution to the ITSM community.

Oddly I'm finding that most of this criticism is couched in language that sounds more  like consultancy speak than anything that I've heard from any consultants over the last year. As a result I must admit I'm finding it hard to understand what exactly it is we stand accused of, apart from not being practitioners not talking about things that practitioners perceive to be of immediate use to them, and generally dominating the conversation.

Whilst I do understand some of the frustration,  perhaps it is time for a bit of a reality check, or at least a more balanced point of view.

I'll admit I have limited time for "consultants" who fall into the category of instant expert., and that some of the criticism has them in mind. It might be the company I keep, or just that I avoid Linkedin discussions, but I don't see as many of them as I used to.The majority of consultants who have high profiles in the ITSM community aren't of that sort. Neither are they pure blood consultants who came straight in to a mainstream generalist management consultancy  before the ink was even dry on their MBA. The majority of the ones I know have all spent time at the coal face. Not only that but having become consultants doesn't mean they are no longer involved in real world ITSM. Moving from client to client and solving ITSM problem after ITSM problem they probably see more of the wider real world than the average practitioner. Trust me, not many ITSM consultants spend their days getting called in to have cosy chats about blue sky thinking with CxOs over tea and biscuits.

I have to come clean and admit that I did spend several hours this week doing the blue sky thinking, but it was with analysts, not CxOs, it was challenging in a good way rather than cosy and there certainly wasn't time to grab a garibaldi. Don't forget that I'm lucky enough to work for a company big enough to absorb the overhead of sessions like that; many consultants in smaller companies or running their own companies effectively have to do all their non-client specific thinking in their own time and at their own cost.

Meanwhile my teams were getting their hands dirty......

....you see, that's the other problem. I can't tell you what my team have been doing for two very important reasons. The first is client confidentiality and the second is protection of IP. Those limitations are very, very real. So there is a whole raft of stuff I could have shared with you over the last three years that I'm just not going to. Again this is even tougher for those in smaller companies where clients are more readily identifiable and IP is hard won.  In the early days of the itIMF, before the second I got substituted with ans S, I was amazed at how often people expected to get free advice from consultancy companies just because they had made the inquiry via the itIMF office rather than directly.

So since I can't talk about what my teams are doing, let's get back to the blue sky thinking.

I get the feeling people think that debates about whether a process is right or wrong is akin to debating how many angels can dance on a pin. And if at the moment you are at the bottom of a deep, deep hole with your budget slashed, your staff unhappy, your customer screaming  and a service desk tool  that isn't fit for purpose I can understand why you feel like that., and why some of the discussions might look more like a display of competing egos rather than anything of practical importance.

Be kind, rewind. As I said most of the consultants I engage with in public have a background as practitioners, but with the luxury, and it is a luxury, of being to step back a little to take in and analyse the big picture. We see people blindly following a process workflow just because it happens to be in a book, and not questioning if it is right for them, or even  if following it comes at a net cost. We see people implementing "silver bullet" solutions, and we see people looking for that sense of comfort that comes from doing what everybody else is doing, Above all else we see people doing these things and not even realising it is what they are doing.

And we see what happens as a result.

That is why we debate some of these things. We would love to tell you some of the specific experiences that have led us to think the way we do - but that would mean revealing things about past and present clients and that wouldn't be professional. If what we are saying seems to conflict with your own pet theory it might also be worth checking whether we've seen other people try and put that theory into practice.and seen what happened next. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

Peter Brookes posted an interesting quote today

"The wise do at the beginning what fools do at the end.":

I'm not accusing anyone of being fools, but sometimes people are saying things that aren't obviously important or useful to you today, but might come to be highly significant down the line. 

Do consultants dominate the ITSM SocMed channels too much? Almost certainly.We aren't paid to be shrinking violets and we are passionate about what we do. We do hate silences , so if there is a gap in the conversation ti is likely to be a consultant who rushes in to say the first thing on their mind.  That's probably why I don't get invited to so many parties these days. Equally though we are passionate about uncovering and encouraging new voices from the practitioner community. 

In fact I briefly considered writing a section about what ITSM consultants would like to see practitioners bring to the SocMed table, but I think that would be to misunderstand the community every bit as much as the blogs criticizing consultants. Instead I'll just say this:

Practitioners give what they available to give, just as consultants do. 

Remember, recognise and respect our differences and we'll all get along just fine.

Ten ITSM Articles that you haven't read

For the simple reason they are still in my drafts folder.

1.The Road to Hell : Why pundits who with the best of intentions dumb down advice and distort reality for those starting out in ITSM ultimately harm us all.

2. The Enemy Within : The danger from ITSM trolls in the community and in your organisation

3. Slafail: Brandon Lane discovers the pitfalls of SLAs as a silver bullet

4. Warm Bread Roles: How your customers really judge service and easy ways to impress them

5. A Passage to India : An insight into the culture of Indian based IT suppliers

6. ITIL Isn't Theoretical Enough : Why ITIL would benefit from an underlying set of precepts and application of the scientific method.

7. I Had a Dream : We are surrounded by non-IT paradigms for ITSM but prefer to try and re-invent the wheel

8. Mr CMDB Imperative: The night I met Glenn O'Donnell

9. Knowing Me Knowing You : The importance of constantly rediscovering your customer

10. The Only Way is Ethics  : Philosophy and ITSM

ITSM Predictions for 2013

Last year’s post on my predictions for 2012 turned out be very popular. So I guess it is worth taking time to look back and say where I was right and where I have yet to be proved right. 

I’m going to make a smaller set of new predictions for 2013 because in some ways I think we’ll see more evolution than revolution.

So how did I do last year?

1. Service Integration

I predicted this to be big in 2012, and it was.

If you didn’t notice this then it is probably because many of the deals that were done in this domain remain under wraps for a variety of reasons. One of those reasons is that a lot of SI is being driven by commercially sensitive big business changes within the organisations that are adopting it.

I’m glad to say that TCS, and my team in Europe in particular, have been at the forefront but the reality is that SI remains relatively immature within the industry and so my follow on prediction for 2013 is that you will begin to see collaboration across suppliers to develop a standard framework for SI to make life easier for suppliers, third party advisers and for customers.

2. Service Architecture

My prediction was that we would see a realisation of the fundamental importance of understanding of how systems and IT services map on to business value networks and a higher profile for OBASHI and the emergence of a new breed of top down architect.

This was certainly backed up by my experience of the year as it unfolded with many of the deals I worked on being built around a joint ITSM and Architectural transformation. OBASHI has certainly become part of the IT lexicon even if many of us haven’t yet reached a final conclusion about its usefulness

3. Service Design

Sadly this was one of my misses. ITSM seems intent on remaining resolutely inside-out with the customer experience bolted on to the solution rather than driving the solution

4. Shadow IT 2.0

Perhaps it is just my perception but as the year has progressed I’ve seen a real shift away from “we won’t support BYOD” and towards “BYOD is a reality, so how do we support it?”

We’ve also seen a rise in consumer orientated cloud solutions which I suspect will have far-reaching implications for commercial use of the cloud.

My 2013 prediction is that we will see an increased number of SI deals where both the provisioning of the service and the business involvement in the management of services will be key factors , and a lot less fear and denial.

5. Service Desk 2.0

There is no doubt in my mind that 2012 is when self service came of age. It was notable at this year’s SDITS show that there had been a real sea change in people’s attitude towards it. It is also clear that it is very high up on the business customers’ wish lists.

In the UK the SDI seems to be going from strength to strength and becoming a much more authoritative and innovative organisation, building on the excellent foundations that have been established in recent years.

There is still a lot of work to be done in freeing up preconceptions and constraints about the role of the Service Deck that belong to the last century.

My 2013 prediction is that this will prove to be painful for the ITSM community and for individuals working in the Service Desk, but ultimately will prove to be empowering.

6. Soft Skills

I argued that in 2012 people would” become a clear differentiator between service providers. When times are tough you turn to those you can trust to see you through the hard times.”

Again I can only speak from my own experience but time and again prospective clients echoed this message.  Not only that but I suspect several incumbent suppliers have had a wake-up call as they have lost  out to suppliers prepared to put effort into building relationship.

It was interesting as well to see the positive response Matt Burrows got whenever I saw him present on SFIA this year .

My prediction for 2013 is there will be a real focus on non-IT professional skills within the Retained Organisation, such as vendor management.

7. Hard Facts - Hard choices

I said “ IT in 2012 is going to have to be able to objectively support every spending decision it makes There are going to be some very hard choices made as a result. There will be real pressure on internal  IT to demonstrate how it is adding value, and a shift towards outsourcers providing the bulk of utility IT services on a wholesale basis. Remember though, like quality, cheapness comes at a price.”

So just substitute 2013 for 2012 and it will hold good for next year as well.

8. ITIL is so 2011

OK, I’m not sure if when I wrote this prediction I knew quite what Aale Roos had in store for us with his approach to Unlearning ITIL, or as he might say

“Älä kuuntele kaikkea tuota hullua ITIL juttua”

Nor did I see the violently emotional reaction this would provoke, primarily in those with British blood and of a certain age. I’ll be honest I don’t think it showed us in a good light, especially when other countries seemed to get where Aale is coming from.

I’ve inadvertently become a bit of an apologist for Unlearning ITIL. Unfortunately I think many who are criticising it are not listening to what is actually being said, and are defending aspect of ITIL based on what they would like to be true about ITIL rather than reality itself.

That reality is that ITIL, and the current official ITIL training, isn’t really that useful to those who most need it. That is those who are just starting out on the ITSM journey and need sound basic advice, and those faced with new ITSM challenges associated with new technologies and delivery models.

My predictions for 2013 in this are that we will see more ITSM activity that pays no more than lip service to ITIL, increased interest in COBIT5, and some increasingly angry comments from people who really should be worrying about their blood pressure these days.

9. A New Kind of Event

My prediction was “ Don't expect to see an out and out revolution in 2012, but do expect to see some of the established ITSM events asking some hard questions of themselves and making a real effort to adopt to new realities with more interaction, more ways for those who can't attend in person to participate. “

I always find it hard judging ITSM events in retrospect. As I’ve said so often on the podcasts I’m very aware that I’m not the target audience for most conferences, but I think this came partially true. 

The big new event, at least as far as the ITSM social media community was concerned was TFT12, which did indeed set out to be intrinsically different and it will be interesting to see where the concept leads.

10. Same Old Same Old

Oddly enough if I messed up anywhere with last year’s predictions I think it was in this section, except that Stephen Mann’s blog remains very popular and yes we had some major outages in the run up to the holidays.

New Predictions for 2013

Notwithstanding what I’ve said about Stephen Mann’s blog I think we are seeing the death of the individual consistently influential ITSM blog. There is still some very high quality material being pushed out on blogs, but day to day ITSM reading for many will be based on the ITSM communities with blogs only attracting interest when a post is particularly important.

I have a suspicion, and it is no more than that at the moment, that cost models capacity management and contract management will be hot topics.  I’m also tempted to suggest that 2013 will be the year of IT Governance as a truly mainstream topic.

And  remember if these things don't happen in 20123 it doesn't mean I'm wrong.

It just means I'm still ahead of the curve, for yet another year.

For two alternative views of 2013 I recommend Stephen Mann's Challenges for 2013 and the musings  the ever amusing IT Swami shared with Rob England.

Episode 13: A New Beginning

In the last episode of Brandon's Dickens and ITSM fueled fantasy he met Ian Clayton, the Ghost of ITSM Future and was sacked by the CEO. There is, of course, no connection between these two events. Now read on...

"TO BE HONEST I WAS EXPECTING YOU TO BE A LITTLE MORE DISAPPOINTED, AND PERHAPS JUST A LITTLE BIT SHOCKED"

"You are forgetting that I'm an ex-auditor"

"AH YES, AUDITORS"

(For those who haven't yet got it the character of the Ghost owes much to Terry Pratchett's anthropomorphic personification of Death, who ALWAYS TALKS IN CAPITALS and doesn't really get on with the Auditors)

"So first of all I'm rational enough to know that this is still a dream sequence in which all my anxieties about taking over the role of CIO of a dysfunctional IT organization are playing out "

"THAT IS GOOD. SEPARATING THE FANTASY FROM THE REALITY IS A RARE SKILL IN THE ITSM WORLD. IT WILL SERVE YOU WELL"

"Probably not quite as well as my second point, which is that being the ex Chief Internal Auditor I know where all the bodies are buried, and might even have stood at the graveside and passed Hans the shovel on a few occasions. So I know he wouldn't really sack me when he could just promote me. Again."

"CYNICISM WILL ALSO SERVE YOU WELL, BUT NOT AS WELL AS SKEPTICISM OR  AT THE MOMENT, THE CARDBOARD BOX I MENTIONED"

"Referring you back to my point that this is a fantasy I think we can dispense with the cardboard box. Especially since in reality I spent most of the weekend lugging them around moving office. Also, by the way, if your constant references to the cardboard box are a feeble attempt to set up a punchline about 'out of the box thinking' then I can do without it"

The Ghost looked slightly crestfallen.

"ACTUALLY I WAS GOING TO SHOW YOU MY FAVOURITE SCIENCE BASED CONJURING TRICK. IT IS QUITE A WELL KNOWN ONE BUT I SUBSTITUTE A SERVICE CATALOGUE FOR AN ACTUAL CAT ON THE BASIS NO ONE KNOWS WHETHER ONE OF THOSE REALLY EXISTS OR NOT EITHER"

"Anyway, I've read my Dickens so I'm guessing this is only a possible version of the future, not the inevitable one. So rather than packing up and giving up I want to learn from it. First of all can you show me how this is impacting other people?"

"I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. LET US BEGIN WITH THE BUSINESS"

 --------

Afterwards both the Ghost and Brandon agreed that probably hadn't been the best idea. The party to celebrate the demise of IT was still in full swing when they left.

"ARE YOU NOT CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO THE REST OF YOUR CAREER NOW?"

"I have to say that I am a little curious, though also a little fearful....."

--------
"WELL THAT WASN'T WHAT I WAS EXPECTING!"

"No, it turned out rather well for me didn't it? A partnership at that management consultancy firm, the start up cloud based service management tool company, the brilliant moment where Hans approached me asking for a job...."

"YES, OK, YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT"

"But what about my people? What about my team, what happened to them?"
-------

They stood outside the building and watched them leave. Not only the IT staff but even the ITIL Imps came skulking out of the lower basement . It struck Brandon that in daylight some of the imps actually looked quite Elvish.

Initially he was quite surprised to see Dmitri, the Head of Development, and Maarten, the Head of Security leaving the building along with the others. They and their teams had always been the survivors, adept at ensuring the blame always landed in someone else's in box.

As if reading his thoughts the Ghost spoke

"THEY NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT HANS COULD ALWAYS SEE THROUGH THEIR POLITICAL GAMES. HE NEVER CARED FOR ALL THE INTERNAL SQUABBLING WITHIN IT."

Next came Jake, the young techie Brandon had met only that morning. Brandon noticed he was carrying one of the largest cardboard boxes, stuffed in roughly equal measure with manuals and sci-fi memorabilia.

"Where's Richard, the Service Desk Manager?"

"HE'S IN A BAR DISCUSSING HOW IT WAS EVERY BODIES FAULT EXCEPT HIS. MOSTLY IT WAS YOUR'S, APPARANTLY"

"And what about Kelly, I don't see her here at all"

In a blink they were back in the Service Desk area. It was deserted. Where Kelly normally sat there was just a dusty abandoned headset lying forlornly against a blank screen.

"I've seen enough. Is there somewhere I can go to find out how to stop this all happening? Somewhere where...."

----------

"Hi Brandon"

"SOMEWHERE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME?"

They were in a piano bar. It could have been any time of day or night, which was the first clue Brandon got that they were in Vegas.  The  person who'd just greeted him by name was the piano player, though he didn't look like your typical piano player and the Scottish accent was unexpected. He was playing a cover version of Sarah Vaughan's 'What's so bad about IT' which Brandon thought a touch insensitive.

They were sat in a circle of empty chairs. A second man walked up to them, sat down and said

"Hey Brandon, Älä kuuntele kaikkea tuota hullua ITIL juttua."

This, thought Brandon, is going to be interesting.....



"

Episode 12: The Ghost of ITSM Future

A quick recap, because after all it is exactly a year since the last chapter appeared. I've been busy, so get over it. Brandon Lane CIO fell asleep whilst waiting for his first Monday morning team meeting, and has been visited in turn by Ivor Evans, the Ghost of ITSM Past and Jimbofin, the Ghost of ITSM Present. Now, as he finds himself in the office of an increasingly irate CEO with Wysiwyg, the ITSM Imp,a third ghost has appeared; that of ITSM Future or Ian Clayton as he is otherwise known.

Now read on,:

"Oh ghost of ITSM future, I fear you most of all" Declared Brandon, in what he himself would admit was an overly melodramatic tone.

"AND SO YOU SHOULD. THE GHOSTS OF ITSM PAST AND PRESENT HAD NO POWER TO HARM YOU BUT THE FUTURE HAS"

Pause for a beat

"BUT IF IT IS ANY CONSOLATION THIS WON'T TAKE LONG"

"But will it be painful?"

"NO, NOT AT ALL. IN FACT I MIGHT FEEL A SLIGHT PLEASANT SENSATION OF I TOLD YOU SO BUT OTHER THAN THAT I'LL FEEL NO PAIN AT ALL. OH SORRY I MISUNDERSTOOD YOU. YES IT WILL BE."

By now Wysiwyg had transferred his attention from Han's to the new ghost and was busy trying to prod him instead. The Ghost  bent down and picked the imp up by the scruff of the neck.

"SO WE MEET AGAIN WYSIWYG, BUT NOT FOR LONG YOU MISCHIEVOUS IMP FOR I COMMAND YOU BY THE POWER OF THE MIGHTY USMBOK TO BE GONE."

Where there should have been a dreadful shriek and a flash of lightning leaving behind nothing but a foul smell there was nothing, apart from the foul smell that lingered like references to ITIL v3 over a year after the release of 2011 Edition.

"Hello," said Wysiwyg "It seems I'm still here."

"WILL YOU NEVER UNLEARN THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS AND STOP TORMENTING MY PEOPLE WITH YOUR SUB-OPTIMAL, UNPRACTICAL, UNLEAN AND EVIDENTIALLY LACKING HERESIES?"

"Nope, why change a winning strategy?"

Actions, it is said, speak louder than words. This particular action on the part of the Ghost of ITSM Future involved an elegant drop-kick that propelled Wyswig out of the window without having the chance to open it first.

"NOW, TO BUSINESS...."

Hans stood rubbing his ankles where Wysiwyg had been stabbing him and survyed the room. Since Wysiwyg was an intangible being the window was still intact  and the Ghost of ITSM Future being a figment of Brandon's imagination  the main thing Hans found to survey was Brandon.

"IT is a complete and utter mess in this organisation. You keep asking us to invest in new technologies and new ways of running IT but the end result always seems to be the same.  Well from now on things are going to be different. From now on we will be investing in technologies directly, and doing things differently ourselves. I've just been meeting with the management consultants and we've agreed the new IT strategy is to move everything to the Cloud."

Hans, The Ghost and Jimbofin pronounced in unison the holy words that mention of the Cloud required:

"Whatever that means"

"What it means, Brandon, is that you are fired."

"THERE, I TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T TAKE LONG. DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU FIND A CARDBOARD BOX?"

(to be continued....?)